Counting Down to Another Countdown
June 30, 2006
Is this what my life has been reduced to? Every week starts with Monday and I sit at work and count the hours, the minutes, until my lunch break. Afterward, I count down to the time I can rush off into rush-hour traffic. I arrive at home and count down to when The Daily Show will air at 10:00P, then continue to count down to when I should go to bed. Admittedly, I reach "zero" at midnight and then count upward to see how long it will take me to actually go to bed. The day ends and another one immediately begins.
The bigger picture is that I count down the work days in hope of reaching 6:00P Friday so that I can put one week behind, only to start another one that is nearly exactly the same as its precedessor. That is how I live—weekly. Everything is the same; there aren't any surprises intermixed in the bland days. One week down and another one awaits. This week down, bring it on, next week.
I miss the assignments, the tests, the parties, the varying weekly life that I had in college. Does everyone? I suppose it depends on their experience in college and their experience in the working world. I don't want to dwell on the fact that I miss college and despise the major life change that I've had to make. What I think I miss more now is the sponteneity. Things would spring up and present themselves and I would be required to make quick (and sometimes rash) decisions. I'm not necessarily talking about a spur-of-the-moment party. It could have been a pop quiz, a test I conveniently forgot about (or avoided), a reading assignment, a birthday party—anything that would break through the baseline monotony that is life.
I want to go to graduate school, but will I be able to? Will I chuck my overdue financial obligations out the door to make myself happy? Is that the responsible thing to do? From a straight-laced perspective, hell no, it's not the right thing to do. But an acquaintance at a recent wedding made a great point. Now is the time to continue my education. Should it matter that I'm waist-deep in various forms of debt? Is it something to be so upset about? Should it really be the reason someone (not me) would want to commit suicide, losing control because of money, or lack thereof? In one hand I (don't) have money, and in the other hand I have the opportunity to better myself intellectually and in other ways. What takes precedence: money or self-improvement?
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